Contagious creepies - part 2

Well, we seem to be progressing a bit. Kiara ensures me that she knows that cancer is not contagious. She still does not want to be kissed though.
It's hard to tell if it has anything to do with my illness really, because isn't 8 the age at which kids stop wanting mummy to kiss them?
I don't know...it just happened abruptly. Frankly, I think it is maybe a bit of both. The day after she took her space, she had many questions in the evening. So many that I cut off the conversation at one point because I was afraid it would be too much to remember in one go. I promised her she could ask her other questions another time. The next day she started hugging me again. She has her own technique. She approaches me from the back so I can not reciprocate the act. Then she puts her cheek against mine and hugs my back. Well all I can say is that it works for me. It's just really hard to remember not to kiss her back. It is such a reflex! I did ask her what I should do if I want to console her as I would normally kiss her. She told me I should call someone else to do it. If there was no-one else at hand she would use the mobile phone I gave her. Actually, she got the phone so she could do do just that if she did not want to involve me.
I guess I have been relieved of that responsibility for a while and that all I can do is upgrade her cell phone credit every once in a while. It feels really strange but I respect it and am slowly coming to terms with it.

This is all very sad of course, especially for me, however it is also less worrying than a child that shows no change in behaviour. I believe that anger, resentment and distancing oneself are healthy reactions to my situation. Even grown-ups do it! So I tell myself she is dealing with things now rather than in ten years time. I guess we do pass on learned behaviour to the next generation. This was something I would have dealt with in a totally different manner when I was her age, namely.....not dealing with it at all.

Luckily she had a really nice afternoon. She spent the whole afternoon at her friend Jeroen's birthday party.

















They took a boat trip on the lakes to an island, built a fortress and had a barbeque. Kiara was the only girl there. She had a wonderful time and I had a chance to rest. I slept all afternoon...there goes my play-time! Boy did I need that!

Tonight she came to sit on my lap. She was tired and hugged me for half an hour. I am a happy mother.