29 January 2009

Finally a normal day

While using the Amintryptaline (the anti-depressant which was supposed to act as a painkiller) I felt really tired and depressed. I chose to not continue using it as it was effecting my QOL too much. I decided to stop using it which meant that I had to reduce the dose gradually. This morning I visited my friend Ineke which was a nice change after having been stuck in my house for most part of January. It is the first whole day that I have managed to stay up without feeling totally exhausted. I have been given other medication for the pain in my arm but without having started to take it I am already wondering if I should. It will effect my driving which to me is a very good reason not to use it as driving is what gets me around in the first place. These past weeks, not being able to drive, I felt very dependant and I am in the process of getting there again, driving short trips at a time. The pain department has now prescribed me medication for epilepsy which is supposed to help against the nerve pains. I don't know, but that just does not feel right somehow. This is pretty heavy stuff and should I really be stimulating my nervous system after having had radiation therapy on my head? Tomorrow my friend Rachelle is getting married, so I think I might as well wait until monday and call the doctor before I start using my prescription drugs.
I took an important step today. I had decided that it was time to go for mental support. I have been coping really well, however as time progresses it is becoming harder and to handle new disappointments concerning my health. I walked there and back again. It felt really good to be moving around in the fresh air again. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining.




One thing that really bothers me is my Pavlov reaction to hospital admission, the food, the smells etc.. I figured that if it was possible, I would like to get over my hospital trauma's from past two years. Everytime that I am admitted to the hospital I feel repulsion. I feel nauseous and stop eating. When I was in for my last surgery the orthopedic surgeon had expressed his concern about my loss of weight in the days running up to my admission and he told the food department to watch me. I had been labelled the anorexic chic. I suppose that is how the first thing that I ate after my operation ended up being a piece of cake! My piece of cake was literaly that. Anything but hospital food would do for me. I survived on crackers, jam and the tea that I brought from home. Oh well!
I started a programme today in which a most interesting methode called EMDR was used. It was really hard but I believe it will help.

27 January 2009

Almost 9000!


There have been more than 8500 hits since I started Birdsperch in May of 2007! We are heading for 9000 hits.

Movin'in the fast lane


Wow, doesn't time fly. I just can't keep up writing this blog. As one occasion after the other is whizzing by. After the operation I was left with two arms that I could bend only at the elbows. The operated on arm is doing fine as I try to increase my mobility. The right arm is getting more and more painful as I move along. My mother spent quite some time with us again, running my household for me while I wasn't able. Bless her heart, for I wouldn't know how I would managae without her. As time progresses I am starting to get back my functions. This week I tried driving a bit, which seems OK again. However I have noticed that too much driving is painful and it sets you back a few days. I have allowed myself to drive for a very limited time and I expect to be in contact with the rest of the world soon. I have been going in and out of the hospital for many tests and talks. It appears that the pain in my arm is caused by a vertebrae that has been effected by the cancer. After 2 scans and an MRI I was able to see the damage in my body, once again. Dr. Pluymakers, the new orthopedic surgeon (a knight in fighting armor) is totally on my case and is moving at a very fast pace. Basically, the next surgery awaits me. However, we will be starting off with radiation therapy to the spine first. In the meantime, my arm is being treated too as post-operative treatment, the radiation therapy is supposed to get rid of the cancer cells that are still in my left arm. I am considering either a membership to the operating room or obtaining a life-long supply of Titanium. Either way the bionic woman née super woman, is still going strong.


What else is keeping me busy? At the end of next month I will be leaving Pricewaterhouse Coopers. It will be two years since I was diagnosed with cancer. A prognosis of 10 years seems very grim. I think I might opt for more. Fortunately Holland's social security is still somewhat intact. It is hard to imagine that with Obama on the throne in the US, the social system might just catch up with Holland's which is slimming down as years go by. As things go out here, every working person pays a percentage of their income towards various social plans. In my case I have to apply for a plan called the WIA which caters to people with long-term illness. A special doctor then calls out the verdict: either you are still suitable to join the working force or you are not. My verdict was that I was not. I am supposed to be happy with this as it will ensure an income of 70% of my last income without having to apply for another job. In other words, nobody will make me work again. And here am I trying to find useful tasks for the future, some of which quite ambitious. Right now, I find that I have to be strict with myself as I have a tendancy to do too much. Here is a picture which perfectly illustrates this. Ha ha...me trying to shop. What was I thinking? February will very much be in the light of preparing for a life without a job. More on this topic in the near future.

13 January 2009

Frozen shoulder





Well, time flies. It has almost been 2 weeks since I went to the hospital for my surgery. It all seems to have gone well, but at the moment I am unable to lift both of my arms.


The lift arm needs physical therapy, I believe that the disruption of my arm has lead me to loose muscle tonus. I believe that with the right exercise it will be up to notch again in a few weeks time. The right shoulder endured a lot of extra use. The joint was already damaged but now the ligaments are giving up on me. Rest and the right exercises should be the key to improving the right shoulder. I went to the painlab since my operation and the anesthesiologist has given me some medication for the nerve pain in my right shoulder.
The Amintryptaline, as is is called is in actual fact an anti depressant which seems to work agains pain caused by nerves. The use of it has left me very tired. It just really drags you down. They say it should get better after a while. I am giving it a shot now. I also had a meeting at the Trappenberg (the rehab center). They are willing to take me on for a period of approximately 6 weeks. I will be starting in a few weeks time.


It has been strange the last couple of days. I has been freezing cold here in Holland and usually I would have gone skating. Here's some pics of the beautiful frozen scenery. I am most greatful that Kiara's father has taken her skating on natural ice. A phenomina that does not occur too often anymore. I don't drive at the moment. Not only is it slippery outside but the function in my arms is inadequate. I am hoping this won't last too long, as it is the ablility to drive that gives me my independance. So...even before rehab I have started to exercise my arms. A little bit each day should have some effect. I am pretty much staying at home these days. My mother is here to help me out and when she isn't Marcus helps me out. Just doing things around the house is all I can handle, really. I am tired mostly so I do catch my sleep. In a few weeks time I expect I will be out there again living my close to normal life. It is getting harder each day to ignore the consequences of living with cancer.

02 January 2009

Happy again!


The days around Christmas and New Year were very stressful. Moving towards another operation was crazy and I have to admit that I was really anxious.
The operation of my upper arm was a tricky one because the head of my Humerus has been attacked by cancer cells. The cells make the bone brittle and I was worried that it might crumble.


All in all, the surgery went well. After an efficient admission to the hospital I was ready to go to the OR in the morning. I too was efficient. An experienced patient, knowing exactly what to expect. The operation was succesful and by noon I was back in my room. They had blocked my nerve of my arm so the first 24 hours were without pain, though I was unable to move my arm. By the evening the nerve was active again and the pain was bad. On the 31st they were prepared to let me go home but I was worried about the possibilities to get medication for the pain. I stayed until January 1st. Marcus joined me at midnight which was a strange way to start a new year. I came home on New Year's day. Feeling OK really. I am still resting a lot but the pain is already much less than it has been the past couple of months. My parents were here with me to help out. Today, monday, my Dad went home and Kiara has joined us again. I think I will be better soon. The best part of my tantrum the other day is that the Doctors are paying attention again. I will soon here more about their new strategy soon.