What about Baby K?

Kiara, who is just going on 8, is the hardest for me to deal with. Just looking at her can make me cry. It is a mixture of pain, disbelief, anxiety, responsibility, guilt and foremost, love.
How sensible and grown-up she can be, she is still my Baby K (and still 7 years old).
Kiara is a bright and sharp girl. I therefore chose to tell her precisely what is going on. She is much too inquisitive to bleep over certain issues and if they are to be discussed, I figure I should be the one discussing them with her. Her understanding is amazing and she has the same attitude as her mom. It is at home that she shows her anger and sadness. This translates to pushing me away and being angry at me.
How ever difficult this may be, it relieves me to know that she is not keeping anything bottled-up inside.
Nature has made us parents want the best for our children. It is therefore that my biological state pushes me to discard the child as I am not the fittest mother right now. My rational side does quite the opposite causing an inner conflict.

Before I went into hospital I visited Kiara's class to tell them about my disease. By means of a powerpoint presentation...I told them exactly what I had, what to expect and answered their questions. I thought I had prepared a 20 minute lesson, but there were so many questions that it took 45 minutes. The result appears to be that her friends are in acceptance of my disease. It is not getting in her way just yet. (If you are interested in the presentation send me an e-mail as I have not found a way to post it yet).

Kiara has her May holidays. I have therefore decided to have her sleep over at friends as much as possible to maintain her child-like activities and to save my energy. Therefore letting nature take its course, temporarily.

It seems like we need to redefine our relationship towards one another. We have started to do this. Therefore making way for my rational side.


As a mother, especially a single mother, this is a painful proces.
This too we shall succeed.