Recup in da hen's coop

Being home is definately better than staying in the hospital. I sleep well and have all my possessions at arms length. Somehow I have come to terms with my (temporary) invalidity. I don't know which is worse...the denial or the acceptance. Accepting it does put it in the middel of my face. I try to cope and maneuver around it. With this many people helping me out at home I feel a strong urge to reclaim territory. I wouldn't manage without them but it is quite a task keeping my own home just what it is.....MINE. Right now only my mother is here all the time. We are a great team, though I worry about the amount of work she is doing.

My homey's drop in on a regular basis and help out. I am getting better at accepting that help.

I decided to keep the nurses away until monday evening when my mother is gone. Their help is so minimal, it irritates me to pieces! We will see how this new company operates!

Everyone was worried about me coming home this early. We did actually have a small scare on Thursday night because I felt a tingling sensation in my lips. They had told me to call if I had a tingling sensation in my fingers or toes because this could mean a drop in Calcium. So I called the hospital just in case and they insisted that I came to the first aid department for a blood test.

We called Taxi Salders (Marcus' company, which I can really give a positive referral) and were driven to and from Amsterdam's VU medical center. It was just hyperventilation. Later investigation showed that I am allergic to peony flowers (I was mistaken, I thought it was camilia first). Hence the respiratory problems in the hospital. I now keep my flowers on my garden table so I can see them from inside.

Friday was a pensive day. The reality hitting me again that this is a deadly disease. Also, the knowledge that I was not too sure how my body could handle surgery. Tears help a lot...and today I have moved on from there to a new period: How to beat the cancer.

I still feel confident I can make this happen.