Balancing act

I have been absent for just over week on my blog. As I resume a "normal" life it has become apparent to me that it is a balancing act between facing a future filled with vitality or a future filled with mortality. In other words; my trip to Lips has not brought any clarity about my prognosis. I have found a few odd spots that resemble tumors and a scan was made. One rib showed a tumor, but I am not so sure if it is the same area that was detected before or a new area on the same rib. I have finally gotten the 'word' go for a total body scan. This time we will be including my arms and feet! I have been fighting for an overall assessment....a so-called check list to work with. On the 20th I will be going through the machine.

In the meantime I have stopped taking my medication (Thyrax) in preparation for the next Iodine treatment. This time I stopped a week earlier in order to hopefully facilitate a better absorbtion. For the moment being this means that my metabolism is off balance. A loss of energy is the result.

My two weeks of silence were spent reflecting on what has happened the past year...and how to give meaning to my future. On my list are things like making arrangements so that things run smoothly in the event of my death. A visit to the notary's office beared a testament which somehow has brought about a sense of tranquility. Another thing I have been doing is answering Kiara's questions, many of them concerning a possible death. I will elaborate on that matter in a later post. And then there is the matter of a renewed relationship, which has brought about much joy, but obviously requires some adjustment. The main target at the moment is resuming work. At the moment I work 2 hours a week in Amsterdam. (My trip to work) It is suprising how much energy that consumes! The doctor concerned with my reintegration has given me the word go to work up to 4 hours a week. This is my target for the next month.

All in all...a new life commences. In the mean time February 17 is coming up, the anniversary of when life was normal for the last time. Next Sunday precisely a year ago, I broke my back. A life-saving event.