39 and still living

So today I am 39 minus 1 day. My family is coming over today to celebrate. I had promised myself to celebrate my birthday each year from now on. I am celebrating today because tomorrow I start rehab. I was tempted to stay in bed and sulk all day as I had a bad night's sleep, tossing and turning, thinking about a concept I had not had the chance to think about for a while. What to do with my life from now on. A ongoing subject is: who will I allow to be a part of my life and who should I keep at a distance. Very difficult indeed.

When I got up to shower, I thought about Nel. One of the first people who shared a room with me in the hospital. She had cancer of the bone-marrow with the same amount of cancer spread throughout the body as myself. She died last week monday. Frankly...two months ago, I was not sure if I was going to make it to my 39th birthday. Had I had another form of cancer, they would have given me less than half a year to go. I cried and let the shower wash away my tears before facing my entire family for the rest of the day.

Happy birthday to me! And many more years to come!